the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
