you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's always time for handjobs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
