Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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