I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
