Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
