Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
