RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
