I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
