i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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