okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize