Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
