There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
