So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
