did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
