Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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