youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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