is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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