Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
