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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
