The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
