1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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