Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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