I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
