call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize