i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
