My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
