Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
