Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
