her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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