maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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