So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
