so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize