I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
