Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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