I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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