Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
