You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
