i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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