Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
