if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
