can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
whose parrot is this?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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