My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
