I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
