and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
