So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
