Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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