Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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