He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
