Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
