do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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