Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
