You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
