Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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