I want to have your abortion
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
