the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
