I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
