you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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