batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
