Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
