Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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