So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
