oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
