butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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