I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
two words...techno handjob
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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