I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
