Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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