In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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