apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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