Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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