Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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