I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
