Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
